


Unclean

by luvsanime02



Series: Whumptober 2018 [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Introspection, Whump, Whumptober 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: Natasha can never have clean hands again.





	Unclean

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the October 2nd Whumptober prompt: bloody hands.

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Marvel comics or characters or movies, and am making no money off of this fic.

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 **Unclean** by luvsanime02

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Natasha Romanoff can never completely wash off all of the blood on her hands.

Bloody hands and a bloody soul, and nothing will ever scrub either of them clean again, no matter how hard that she tries to wipe the slate clear.

So, why bother to try at all?

Some days, Natasha is just awful enough to think that she doesn’t know why anymore. She fights and struggles, but she can still taste blood in the back of her throat, and she doesn’t even know what she’s doing this all for. Except, well, what else would Natasha do with her life? Go back to being Natalia?

No, never. Some days, true, Natasha doesn’t know why she continues to fight, but that doesn’t mean that she’ll ever give up and stop. If nothing else, she was trained too well for that. Really, Natasha is trapped here even more than the others. Even more than Steve Rogers. Sure, he can’t quit either, but he also signed up for the war.

Natasha never did, not really. She’s just the product of an old regime that doesn’t know when to admit defeat, and if there’s one thing that they taught her too well, it’s that same stubborn spirit.

Clint’s stubborn too, as stubborn as her, and sometimes Natasha wonders if she recognized that similarity in them at the very beginning. If that’s the reason why they couldn’t ever kill each other, or never even really attempted to.

Most days, Natasha is fine. She’s handling everything. She’s got a job to do, and a life to live, and Natasha has her principles now, bought and paid for in blood.

Always, always, the blood. Natasha can never escape from it. Most days, she doesn’t even bother to try. She’ll have bloody hands until the day that she dies, but Natasha fights to spare others from the taste and smell of iron. That has to be enough. It’s not that Natasha is an idealist. Far from it, really. She just believes that it’s nice how most people have the option of not walking around with bloody hands all of the time.

Most people are happy, and free to grow up and become whoever they wish to be, and for that-

For that, Natasha’s okay with how she grew up, and how her future was sacrificed over and over without a single choice on her part.

Natasha’s made her peace with her past, and with the blood on her hands. Most days.


End file.
